The Dreaded “Sex Talk” With Your Children

Raising Men Not Boys: Shepherding Your Sons to Be Men of God

If you are a parent, you’re aware of the “the dreaded sex talk” with your children, aren’t you? Maybe you’ve already had it and think you’re done. Maybe you just plan to ignore the subject because that’s the way your parent’s handled it. But what does God say about it?

King Solomon writes in Proverbs 22:6, “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”


Psalm 78:2 reads, “I will teach you hidden lessons from our past— stories we have heard and known, stories our ancestors handed down to us. We will not hide these truths from our children; we will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the Lord, about his power and his mighty wonders.”

Today we continue our series on how to raise your boys and turn them into godly men. Dr. Mike Fabarez is my guest, and we are discussing his latest book, Raising Men, Not Boys: Shepherding Your Sons To Be Men of God.

In today’s podcast, we’ll discuss several things:

  1. Why hoping that your children are blissfully ignorant about sex is a bad plan
  2. Why little life lessons on sexuality are important
  3. Why fathers must guide and lead this discussion on sexuality.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Nothing good happens without self-control and self-denial.  It’s interesting that when you do a word study on self-control in the Bible, anger is usually referenced.

Proverbs 14:29, People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.

Proverbs 22:24Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.

It’s not a coincidence that sexual sin and anger are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other. The apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6 that sexual sin is a unique type of sin because we are sinning against our bodies, which house the Holy Spirit of God. And when we use sex as a drug, it inflicts a wretchedness upon our very soul.

The Power of Sexual Desire

Raising Men Not Boys: Shepherding Your Sons to Be Men of God

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man
are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!” -Psalm 127:3

Isn’t that a great word from the Lord? Especially in our day and age when the world mocks the idea of large families.


Today we continue our series on how to raise your boys and turn them into godly men. Dr. Mike Fabarez is my guest, and we are discussing his latest book, Raising Men, Not Boys: Shepherding Your Sons To Be Men of God.

In today’s podcast, we’ll discuss several things:

  1. The reality that all of our sexual desires will not be met.
  2. How guilt from our past prevents us from talking about the future.

 

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Are you afraid of being branded a weirdo for saving yourself for marriage? Well, it’s my guess that most men that I talk to regarding their sexual mistakes, if they had to do it all over again, they would joyfully wait until their wedding night.

By the way, why are we so afraid of what other people think? Especially those who have no right to speak into our lives. Have you ever noticed that those who claim sexual liberty are those whose lives are a mess?

The Song of Songs or Solomon writes, not to awaken love until the time is right.

We are not to stir it up or get too close to it. Why? Because it is a beautiful fire that needs to burn in the fireplace, not the closet. What happens if a fire rages in the closet? Your whole house burns down, doesn’t it? That’s why God has designed sex and marriage to be two sides of the same coin. Marriage as defined by God – one biological man and one biological woman – is where sexual desire burns.

In fact, Proverbs 5:19 reads,  Let your wife’s breasts satisfy you always.

Now some of you guys may be thinking…no, way, does it really say that in the Bible? It does! Some of you may have a new life verse! Regardless, I would encourage you to read, study and mediate over Proverbs Chapter 5 yourself.

The Importance of a Father’s Touch

Raising Men Not Boys: Shepherding Your Sons to Be Men of God

Raising up men with godly integrity and convictions has never been more challenging than in today’s culture. A culture that has created and thrives on moral confusion, uncertainty, and doubt especially among young boys and girls.

As you know, God’s design for the family – one biological man, one biological woman in a commitment, a covenant called marriage is scrutinized, mocked, laughed at in our culture. And raising children in this midst of all this opposition seems to be more challenging than ever before.


Today we start a brand new series on how to raise your boys and turn them into godly men. My guest today is Dr. Mike Fabarez. Mike is the founding pastor of Compass Bible Church in Aliso Viejo, Ca and is the author of several books. Today we discuss his latest, Raising Men, Not Boys: Shepherding Your Sons To Be Men of God.

In today’s podcast, we’ll discuss several things:

  1. The concept between guarding and vilifying sexuality.
  2. Learn the lazy parents approach to keeping their children pure.

 

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Are you a father who has checked out when it comes to raising kids? It’s a pretty easy thing to do, isn’t it? After being at work all day, and you come home, and you just want to be left alone, don’t ya?

Deut 6:5 reads,

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.  And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.  Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.  Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

“The Lord your God will soon bring you into the land he swore to give you when he made a vow to your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. It is a land with large, prosperous cities that you did not build. 11 The houses will be richly stocked with goods you did not produce. You will draw water from cisterns you did not dig, and you will eat from vineyards and olive trees you did not plant.

Aren’t those encouraging words from the Lord? I pray that you persevere through the daily grind of work and come home to love on your children.

Sex After Kids

Grace Based Discipline: How To Be At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst - Part Five

I had a dad tell me the other day that his kids were ruining his life. He said it with a grin so I knew that he was only half kidding.

I then asked him if he agreed with Psalm 127:3,

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.

“Yes”, he said. “It just seems like the reward of children is overwhelming most of the time!”

Do you feel like that? Overwhelmed with the kids, frantic when you get to work and then it seems like you aren’t able to get anything done because your mind is on the kids? Then you rush home to drive the kids all around the city because of their extra curricular activities, and by the time everyone finally gets home for the day it’s 9pm. Needless to say that everyone is hungry, grumpy and tired. Oh, and this is the first time you’ve seen your spouse all day…and he just happens to have that “lovin’ feeling” in the twinkle of his eye.

So, how do you pursue sex with your spouse after having kids? What does sexual intimacy look like during this season of your life? We wrap up our conversation with Karis Kimmel Murray today discussing her new book Grace Based Discipline: How To Be At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst.

In today’s podcast, We’ll discuss three things:

  1. How sex with your spouse is the culmination of everything else in your life. In other words, how does sex reveal what other things are healthy or unhealthy with your spouse?
  2. Husbands, how sensitive are you to your wife’s sexual needs?
  3. Why it’s important to have Father’s SPEAK into the lives of their daughters.

To Spank or Not To Spank?

Grace Based Discipline: How To Be At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst - Part Four

When it comes to raising children, one of the most controversial issues parents can discuss is whether or not they should spank their children or not.

Fortunately, God has a lot to say about this:

Don’t fail to discipline your children. The rod of punishment won’t kill them. – Proverbs 23:13

Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. – Proverbs 13:24

Wow! That seems well, ummm…pretty straight forward. But let’s make sure we don’t take these pieces of scripture out of context. What else does God’s Word have to say about this form of discipline? These passages certainly answer the question as to “why” you should discipline your children, but what about the “when” question.

Well, my guest today has tremendous insight – Godly insight full of grace and truth that every parent should hear. We continue our conversation with Karis Kimmel Murray discussing her new book Grace Based Discipline: How To Be At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst.

In today’s podcast, we’ll discuss three things:

  1. The Church’s view on spanking vs. the world’s view.
  2. Is anti-spanking being anti-discipline?
  3. Can you spank your children and still remain inside the realm of grace?

The Difference Between Discipline & Punishment

Grace Based Discipline: How To Be At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst - Part Three

Do you know the difference between disciplining your children and punishing your children? Maybe a better question is, do your children know the difference?

Today, we continue our conversation with Karis Kimmel Murray on our series of Grace Based Discipline. She has a new book titled, Grace Based Discipline: How To Be At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst.

In today’s podcast, We’ll discuss four things:

  1. The specific differences between discipline and punishment.
  2. Some of the natural consequences of discipline.
  3. How to set up different categories of rules and violations for your children’s behavior.
  4. How to implement a Family Rules Summit.

How to Separate Your Child From Their Behavior

Grace Based Discipline: How To Be At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst - Part Two

So there you are, in the checkout aisle of your favorite grocery store and your mission has been successful – groceries without one of the kids creating a scene of any kind…

Well, that is until your six year old sees his favorite candy bar. He asks if he can have it. You politely tell him “no” because you’re getting ready to go home and fix lunch with all the new groceries that are in the cart.

He asks again, this time with a little more whine in his voice. You give him the parental “mom look”. All of a sudden his bottom lip begins to quiver… and “BAM!” Meltdown on aisle three. So close, but yet so far away.

How do you handle those situations? Well, my guest today, Karis Kimmel Murray has some sage advice for those of us that find ourselves in that predicament. She has a new book titled, Grace Based Discipline: How To Be At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst.

In today’s podcast, We’ll discuss five things:

1) How parents are the “first responders” to your child’s crisis.
2) Introducing the “mental basket” method.
3) The difference between labeling your child and prophesying over your child.
4) How to “tag” your child’s behavior.
5) How to see your child the way God see’s them.

Grace Based Discipline

How To Be At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst

I had so much fun interviewing Dr. Tim Kimmel last week with Family Matters, I had to go back and interview his daughter Karis Kimmel Murray.

Karis just released her first book title Grace Based Discipline: How To Be At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst. Karis writes and speaks as a voice to the next generation of parents. She also co-hosts The Family Matters Minute, a nationally syndicated one-minute radio segment heard by millions of listeners every day. To learn more about Karis and her new book, visit Family Matters.net.

In today’s podcast, We’ll discuss three things:

  1. A blueprint of grace.
  2. Why grace is a radical concept especially when it comes to discipline.
  3. The difference between grace and mercy.

How Young Is Too Young To Discuss Pornography?

I received a phone call from a dad the other day. He was in shock. His 9 year old son was searching for pornography on the family computer.

He was typing into Google words that he heard at school. His son was now staring at images to graphic to describe. His father shocked, disgusted and terrified as to what to do next. So if this were your nine year old little boy, what would you do?

My guest today is Kristen Jensen, author of “Good Pictures Bad Pictures” and she has great advice along with a strategic plan as to what parents can do to start the porn conversation with their young children.

How To Protect Young Eyes From Pornography

As a parent, how do you start the conversation with your children about pornography?

I am not a big fan of statistics. Stats tell us many things and yet, at the same time…tell us nothing.

If statistics actually meant something to us, nobody would smoke, drink or eat fast food. We would all be exercising instead of stuffing our face with double cheeseburgers.

My view however, is that there are people behind statistics. There are actual real living, breathing human beings made in the image of Almighty God behind these stats – no matter what the stats represent.

Now with that disclaimer, let me give you some stats that should peak your interest especially if you are a parent, because these stats represent your children These stats are from a nationwide survey from ProvenMen.com.

With respect to men between the ages of 18 and 30, the survey reveals:

  • nearly two out of ten boys (17%) first viewed pornography before they were 9 years old
  • nearly four out of ten boys (38%) first viewed pornography before the age of 12
  • nearly nine out of ten boys (88%) first viewed pornography before turning 16

The age when Christian men first began viewing pornography is virtually the same as the national averages.

What about women?

  • One in four girls (25%) between the ages of 18 and 30 first viewed pornography before the age of 12,
    and 61% of girls viewed pornography before 16 years of age.

The age that Christian women first began viewing pornography is fairly close to these national averages.

Lastly, eight out of ten adults, do not have a pornography-blocking filter installed on their computer or cell phone. Only one in ten adults have pornography filters or blocks on both cell phones and computers.

Well, I hope that we can motivate parents and children today as we discuss what it looks like to protect your children from becoming a statistic.  My guest today is Chris McKenna with a ministry called Protect Young Eyes and on today’s show we are going to visit eight specific strategies for creating an internet-safe home.