My Reasons For Blaming You

Have you ever listed the actual reasons that you blame someone else for your porn use?

Have you ever considered that blaming yourself is a from of blame in itself? It’s an interesting exercise (quite absurd really) because when we do this, we start to realize the lengths that we go to – the hoops that we are willing to jump through – to avoid responsibility. It’s crazy isn’t it? How much harder we’ll work to avoid the truth about ourselves rather than taking a step forward and coming clean.

In today’s podcast we’ll discuss:

  1. The choices that we have when it comes to blame.
  2. How blaming yourself is still a way to avoid responsibility.
  3. The difference between repenting from the process of sin and apologizing for the act.

Why Words Matter

There is life and death in our tongues. Words matter.

Today we finish our conversation on what’s called Trigger #9 Justification. This is part three of three and comes from the larger teaching series titled “The Sex Spiral: Forgiven and Free from Pornography.”

In today’s podcast we’ll discuss.

  1. How the tongue is never fully tamed.
  2. How blessings and cursing come from the same mouth
  3. The seriousness of using God’s Word out of context so that you can continue in our sin.

Why Do We Always Have An Excuse?

Have you ever noticed that when we deal with the subject of pornography, there always seems to be an excuse?

If you are the spouse of someone entangled with porn you know exactly what I’m talking about. He always has an answer doesn’t he? And if you are in recovery from porn, today’s podcast will continue to show you the great lengths we as addicts will go to cover up our sin.

In today’s podcast we’ll discuss:

  1. The difference between justification and rationalization.
  2. The three things we do when we justify our behavior.
  3. How we can actually choose to stop justifying our behavior.

Lessons Learned From Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky

The Sex Spiral Series: Trigger 9 - Justification Part 1

I want to say one thing to the American people, I want you to listen to me, I’m going to say this again.  I did not have sexual relations with that woman – Miss. Lewinsky.

Bill Clinton Monica Lewinsky

Do you remember the drama that unfolded during President Clinton’s scandal with white house intern Monica Lewinsky? I’m guessing you do if you’re over the age of 40. And even if you don’t, we are going to learn from the drama of that historic timeframe in Bill Clinton’s presidency.

Today we continue our teaching series titled “The Sex Spiral: Forgiven and Free from Pornography”, and we are going to focus on the excuses that we give to ourselves and to others. In this trigger and stage, we justify what we just did. In other words we try to convince other people how acting out in sin – looking at pornography – is a good idea.

I’m praying for those of us who have been stuck in Sex Spiral that we begin to see how ridiculous our excuses really are.  For us to realize that we are so isolated and so alone when we think this stuff up, that we actually talk ourselves into believing these lies.

If you’ve been stuck in the spiral for some time, maybe you’re beginning to realize that no buys it anymore.  After time, not even you will believe it.  Maybe your a spouse who thinks that you are losing your mind with the excuses and all the things that don’t make sense.  You’re not losing your mind – you have no idea how many wives tell me that – the reality is that your husband can’t keep his story straight so he continues to make it up as he goes, blaming you all the way through it.  In fact, it’s really scary how good he is at it.  But it won’t last long.  His foundation is built on shifting sand and his world will come crumbling down around him.

In fact, let me recommend a book for all of you on the other side of sexual sin or any kind of addiction.  It’s called “Smoke & Mirrors: The Magical World of Chemical Dependency” by Dorothy Marie England.  It will show you all the games that we as addicts play.

And we play games because we think we’re in control, but the reality is that we’re just isolated and alone.  Did you know that it only takes one Godly friend to change your life.  Now, notice I said “Godly” friend….not some knucklehead that encourages you to keep doing what you’re doing.  Just one “Godly” man if you are a man and a Godly woman if you are woman.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking it can work the other way.

Proverbs 13:20 – Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Proverbs 17:17 – A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Do you have a friend that will speak truth in love when you get all sideways?  Do you have someone who will love you that much, to get in your face and call you out?  If you don’t, I want to encourage you to go out of your way to be a friend. Most of us don’t because we don’t know how to be a friend to someone else. Porn makes us anti social.

A key way to start new friendships is to start serving at your Church.  Get involved and watch what God does.  Simply ask the pastor what he needs help with and do it.  Something as simple as being a greeter and handing out bulletins will work miracles in your life.

To download the worksheet that goes with this lesson click the button below.

Moving Toward Restoration

The Sex Spiral Series: Trigger 8 - Relational Withdraw Part 3

Today we wrap our series on relational withdraw. This is podcast 3 of 3, and we are going to touch on something that I consider a life changing truth today .

In today’s podcast we’ll discuss.

  1. How false repentance produces a false hope of change.
  2. How true repentance is facing those who have been affected by my sin and accepting full responsibility for the upcoming consequences.
  3. How compulsive and unrepentant people say they’re sorry.

To download the worksheet that goes with this lesson click the button below.