Painful Side Effects of Sexual Sin

Sex and The Single Girl

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death (James 1:12–15).

Today we wrap up our conversation with Dr. Juli Slattery as we’re discussing her new book for single women; it’s a six-week group study called “Sex and the Single Girl.”

On today’s show we’re going to address some of the side effects of having sex outside of God’s design of one man and one woman in marriage. I knew some of these things were true for men, but I was surprised when Juli confirmed them on the women’s side as well. What side effects am I talking about?

Well, On today’s podcast, we’ll discuss:

  1. How and why sexual sin leads to depression and anger
  2. Why there is rampant mental illness among our college-aged friends
  3. Why we’re so confused about something so simple like gender.


Well, it was so good to have Dr. Juli Slattery on the show. I would highly encourage you to visit her ministry and website at You’ll find her new book, “Sex and The Single Girl” which is a six-week study on healthy sexuality. You also find other resources as well like “Passion Pursuit”, “Pulling Back the Shades” which is Juli’s response to the 50 Shades of Grey series, and “25 Questions Your Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex and Intimacy.”

The Four Stages of Sexual Temptation

Sex and The Single Girl

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Today we continue our conversation with Dr. Juli Slattery as we’re discussing her new book for single women; it’s called “Sex and the Single Girl.” Our show will focus on one of everyone’s favorite topics – and that is sexual temptation. Julie will share the four stages of sexual temptation with us.

We’ll also discuss:

  1. Why we immediately feel guilty when it comes sexual desire.
  2. How sexual temptation becomes your “happy place”.
  3. The physiological side of temptation – what happens to our brains and bodies.


Julie is referencing Proverbs Chapter 5. It is so fitting to what all these headlines are talking about. King Solomon writes in verses 7-9.

So now, my sons, listen to me. Never stray from what I am about to say – Stay away from her! Don’t go near the door of her house! If you do, you will lose your honor and will lose to merciless people all you have achieved.

I did a whole series on Proverbs 5 and would like to invite you to check it out on my website.  I walk you through every verse of that entire chapter – it’s titled, “Made Perfect in Purity”, so I pray that it’s a blessing to you.

The Desire for the Honeymoon Night

Sex and The Single Girl

We have many desires to be fulfilled, don’t we? And I’m not just talking sexual, but desires for health, happiness, career, money and the list goes on and on.  But, Do you know what the Lord Himself desires?

Psalm 37:4 – Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Matthew 5:6 –  “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Isiah 40: But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Psalm 145:19 – He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.

Hosea 6:6 – For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.  That means that God doesn’t need you to prove you love Him by empty religion, but rather embracing in a relationship with Him.  And yes, part of this relationship is about our sexuality.

Today we continue our conversation with  Dr. Juli Slattery as my guest and we’re discussing her new workbook for single women; it’s called “Sex and the Single Girl.”

On today’s podcast, we’ll discuss several things:

  1. There is a lie in the church that when you save yourself for marriage, rock star sex is guaranteed.
  2. Why we don’t hear or celebrate saving ourselves for marriage
  3. Is saving myself for marriage worth it?


So what if you, like me, unfortunately- shamefully, did not save yourself for marriage.  What if you are a single person who has sexually sinned in the past or you’re sexing it up with your boyfriend or girlfriend….or both? Well, our God is a God of a thousand do-overs, my friend.

He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows how weak and fragile we are. He knows that we are but made of dust.  The great thing about God’s forgiveness is that it’s based on His faithfulness to you – it’s not based on our faithlessness to Him.

Yes indeed, Jesus has his arms wide open waiting for you to come join Him. He loves you so much that He’ll never force you to do anything. It’s your choice to come to Him in humility with repentance.  Look, friend, you don’t have to keep doing what you have always done.  That’s what Gospel-centered freedom is – the ability to say “no”.

God’s Purpose In Your Sexuality

Sex and The Single Girl

The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 8:26

 “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Today we are talking about God’s purpose for you in and within your sexuality. We all know that God has not put you on Earth by chance. He has included you in the redemption of His Kingdom. But how does this purpose portray itself in sexuality as a single person?

Dr. Juli Slattery is my guest, and we are discussing her new workbook for single women; it’s called “Sex and the Single Girl.”

On today’s podcast, we’ll discuss several things:

  1. How the struggle for sexuality is a good thing.
  2. Is it wrong to marry someone who struggles with porn?
  3. While men struggle visually, women struggle with the story within sexuality.


I love that word “longing” that Juli used there.  The Word of God says this about longing:

  • Psalm 119: 20 – My soul is consumed with longing for your rules at all times
  • Isaiah 26:9 – At night my soul longs for You, Indeed, my spirit within me seeks You diligently; Psalm 119:81 – My soul languishes for Your salvation; I wait for Your word.
  • Psalm 143:6 – I stretch out my hands to You; My soul longs for You, as a parched land
  • Psalm 42:2 – My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God?

Do you long for that kind of relationship with God? As a single person, do you long for a spouse in this way? As a married person, do you long for your marriage and family to experience this kind of intimacy?  Well, wherever you are on this journey, I would encourage you to press into Jesus to make your longing a reality.

The Mysteriousness of Sex and Marriage

Sex and The Single Girl

King Solomon writes in the Song of Songs 2:3

“Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit. He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me. Strengthen me with raisin cakes, refresh me with apples, for I am weak with love. His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right. Ah, I hear my lover coming! He is leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My lover is like a swift gazelle or a young stag. Look, there he is behind the wall, looking through the window, peering into the room. My lover said to me, “Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one! Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up,  the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air. The fig trees are forming young fruit, and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming. Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one!”

Now, you may be thinking, is that really in the Bible?! It is. It’s been said that the Song of Songs is so passionate that Jewish Rabbi’s would prevent their students from reading it until they were 30 years old! As Christians, we should not be ashamed of this kind of passion, but we are to celebrate it in context with God’s design for sexuality. Today we continue our conversation with Dr. Juli Slattery. We are discussing her new workbook for single women; it’s called “Sex and the Single Girl.”

On today’s podcast, we’ll discuss several things:

  1. How and why the consequences of sex outside of marriage impact us in a unique way.
  2. Why the sexual union between husband and wife is a mysterious metaphor for Jesus’ relationship with us.


The Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 5:21

 “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.

 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 

For us to understand this passage correctly, we have to define love. We can’t use the world’s definition of love because their definition is a counterfeit. Love includes sacrifice; it’s putting someone else before me – no matter the cost to me.

Let’s face it; we don’t like to do that do we? We love ourselves – and that’s not good. But what is good is that Jesus loves you more than you love yourself. And we see this on the Cross.